HATER REHAB: My hour with Kim Kardashian

I recently gained a new perspective for Kim Kardashian, one of the Key Note Speakers at BlogHer16. Her two mantras were universal and useful.

“Be the best you – do what is within your comfort zone and what makes you feel confident!” 

“More Love, No Hate.” 

We all have a right to define our personal boundaries. We also have a right to our personal reaction when those boundaries are crossed. Sometimes these actions result in a traffic jam of haters.

I’m not just exposing internet trolls here. Everyone’s interacted with at least one other person resulting in our strong reaction to their action: “MFer cut me off!” …or inaction: “Why didn’t they thank me for the date?”

Here’s where it gets all Fox in Socks, while we discuss our actions following our reaction to the other person’s actions.

Reality Check

  • Mind Control – I can’t telekinetically take over their car forcing a safe lane change. Nor will a bird from you make them feel regret. Hateful comments won’t cause Kim to live your definition of life.
  • Assuming, it’s true – You know what they say when someone assumes. We truly have no idea what goes on in others’ lives. Be compassionate with friends, family and strangers – we all carry the burden of our own personal stress and goals. Kim challenges her haters to sit down and talk to her.
  • Don’t Should on Others – This tells more about us than them. Perhaps you’re not feeling like the most confident you, offloading on or trying to control others really won’t improve your mood.
  • What Is My Motivation – Actors question this a lot when considering how to deliver a believable role and speak authentically – as should you when considering your ACTion.
  • Spoon Full of Sugar is BS – Sorry my beloved Mary, P. but sugar coating only makes you feel like you’ve delivered a pretty gift when the recipient can still see the shit through the wrapping.
  • We Have a Right to our Opinion – True, just like we have a right to ignore it.
  • Just don’t Joust – Engaging in battle takes everyone farther from that day’s goals – everyone’s late, flustered, mad and hopefully nothing worse. Kim ignores haters so it’s not their voice she hears, but her own guiding her to be the best her.

 

Hater Rehab:

  • Was your intended response meant to get respect or get even?
  • To make people feel better or worse?
  • If the latter, for either, is respect deserved?

Unless someone is about to chase their Pokémon into a busy intersection, respect their path. It’s not our place to interject or attempt to convert their reaction to one we are satisfied with.

All together now… we all have a right to our opinions, our reactions to other people’s actions (which we can’t control). We only control and take responsibility for our actions. Nobody makes us feel anything we don’t want to.

That crazy driver didn’t make you mad. You chose to get mad in reaction to a near miss. Did you go on the date so you would get thanks and brownie points or did you go on a date to spend more time with someone you have feelings for? Seen too much of Kim lately? Lest you forgot, you’re in control of how much internet and social media enters your home or the teachable moments (as opposed to swift judgement) that can result.

Finally, she shared how she and her husband Kanye have helped bring out the best in each other – which is what loved ones do. As Kim will tell you, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself!

 

 

 

PARENT MUSIC FESTIVAL TRAINING PROGRAM – Part 3 of 3

Last session before your music festival event! You’ve trained for loud levels and longevity! You’ve prepped for festival fun.

Couch to Music Festival: Parents Training Guide

Again, while this applies to Wango Tango, the program easily adapts to Coachella, Stagecoach, or other festivals.

  • ATTIRE: Most music festivals take place outdoors during the spring or summer. Some experience significant temperature changes from day to evening – the more you dance, the less you’ll notice.
    • WHAT’S HOT: Crazy Loosey
      • Loose flowing clothes – Slightly stretchy, cut-outs. Clothes that won’t interrupt your groove but breeze blows through – all while fiercely flattering.
  • Accessorize – Hats or glasses required! Red sunburned faces or eyes aren’t cool – ever. Keep hats streamlined to not hinder people’s views.
  • Cute compression socks – Crazy socks are in! Concert-goers will applaud as your wild socks with cute boogie shoes outdance them
  • Comfy shoes – if you can find something in a boot or chunky heel, you’ll be above the crowd for best viewing!

WHAT’S NOT: Mom or dad jeans

mom jeans

WTF Wango Tango Fangirls may change their minds about Mom Jeans – totally CUTE!

  • FUELING: Eat to stay strong for your music marathon:
    • HYDRATION vs RAGING – While there are tons of fun drinks in the festival, try to drink to hydrate:
      • Alternate – Every other drink alternate between water and soda or alcohol
      • Combine – Gatorade Margaritas, they’re real!
    • ALL-DAY FUELING – Eat a protein-filled breakfast with light carbs, preferably whole fiber. Consider bringing snacks to ensure your energy lasts all night long! The festival contains quick pick-me-up options but watch out for the crash!

Food

  • MEDALS OF COMPLETION:
    • ROCK-N-ROLL VOICE: Even with voice training, you’re apt to get some sexy, smoky voice. Time to re-do your phone voicemail!
    • EVENT JERSEY: Not only do you and fellow jersey-wearers share an instant bond, it’s a badge of pride that you went the distance!
    • ASSUAGED STRESS/MIDLIFE SYMPTOMS: With great tunes, views, and artists you’re bound to recapture your youthful spirit and strengthen family/friendship bonds! Clapping and dancing blows away stress leaving you more centered. Adrenaline highs boost productivity

Stay loose and have crazy fun! Let me know if this plan gets you into the groove to go all night or makes you look forward to your event with renewed vigor!

Let me know if I forgot anything and what music festivals you will hit!

PARENT MUSIC FESTIVAL TRAINING PROGRAM – Part 2 of 3

First, we kicked off and ramped up music festival endurance training. Now, focus shifts to comfort during and after the event!  While this applies to Wango Tango, one can easily adapt the program to Coachella or Stagecoach or longer events.

Couch to Music Festival: Parents Training Guide (con’t)

  • VOICE CONDITIONING: Being an “adoring fan” may be tougher than a performer. They sing for a few minutes up to an hour while you consistently cheer for nearly 5 hours – without training.
    • USE YOUR GUT – Learn to push your voice from your core, through your diaphragm and control it escaping from your throat – Look
    • BUFFER – Practice while in your car, on the freeway – not even shower walls  provide enough buffer for those nearby.
Image titled Scream Sing without Damaging Your Voice Step 7

WTF: Wango Tango Fangirl checked out wikihow to Scream Sing without hurting her voice!

 

  • AVOID INJURIES: Avoid training too hard to prevent injuries. Here are the most commonly occurring:
    • 2 LEFT FEET – While you may not know how to Hit the Quan, just stay loose and move any parts of your body as you feel fit!
    • BLEEDING EARS – Increase car radio volume a little each day. Smart people, not old, buffer with foam earplugs.
    • GENERATION GAP – Wider than thigh gaps, navigating this seems trickier. Though every trend comes back around, the new generation still shocks us.  To infiltrate the crowd unnoticed, buy a few accessories at local teen stores. If you blend, youngsters are more likely to behave naturally. You may learn more social and behavioral cues for the next time you try to communicate with them.

  • KNOW BEFORE YOU GO: Be prepared!
    • MUSIC – My daughter think I’ve invented this cool car radio game called Name That Tune where I quickly turn the radio on then off and they blurt out the title and artist of radio songs. While it’s fun for them, my music muscle memory kicks in from back in the days when I could remember any song lyrics but not algebraic equations.
    • FLASHCARDS – Music festivals, especially in Los Angeles, attract celebrities. So another game rises from the pages of tabloid/fashion magazines where my daughter and I verbalize what the star “must be” saying with their photoshoot poses. This will prevent me from calling a cast by the wrong TV show next time we cross paths.

How many can you name?

Coming tomorrow: Attire, Fueling, Medals of completion.

PARENT MUSIC FESTIVAL TRAINING PROGRAM – Part 1 of 3

Ecstatic, after buying 2 tickets to Wango Tango music festival for my daughter and I (for her birthday); Sentimental, having attended the same festival 17 years ago but now passing the torch; Thrilled, as every single artist tops our list of faves; Panicked, as mosh-pit concerns blind-sided me; Relieved, upon viewing my assigned seats; and Driven… I began training!

yourockmom

Mom, You Rock from afavoritedesign

Don’t laugh, just follow along:

Couch to Music Festival: Parents Training Guide

  • SET CLEAR GOALS: We have 5 weeks to train for:
    • DANCING OUR ASSES OFF for at least 4 ½ hours straight
    • CLAPPING THUNDEROUSLY for every encore
    • YELLING for each amazing artist loud enough so they respond “I love you too!
      …all with minimal bathroom/snack breaks

 

Are they Over-Excited or Under-Trained? WTF: Wango Tango Fangirls

 

  • START SMALL/BUILD SLOWLY:  With one step, we’ll begin and celebrate our high notes!
    • TRAINING PLAN – Start with one step, increase by 10 min. a day. Just focus on the build, not the full distance!
    • FESTIVAL LENGTH – We chose a 1-day festival but this training may be adapted for weekend or 3-day concerts as well – just allow more time to train.
    • Advanced: Build from previous concert experience of 2-3 hours

  • ENDURANCE TRAINING: To avoid dancing muscle fatigue:
    • SHAKE IT – Grab ear buds, start dancing everywhere! In your living room, while doing dishes or brushing teeth!
      Advanced: Make your kids teach you dance moves – fun(ny) for all!
    • CROSS-TRAIN! – Swimming and cycling build endurance but for a simple weight-bearing exercise – walk or jog!

  • STRENGTH TRAINING: To avoid jello arms and legs that may inhibit your ability to drive home:
    • SQUATS – Strengthen the quads and glutes to jump up for each new act with renewed vigor. Bonus, they help your core!.
      Advanced: Hold a squat position with slight bounce to Whip the crowd into a frenzy!
    • ARMS/BACK – Push ups, bench presses, and curls strengthen and amplify clapping.
      Advanced:  Shoulder and upper back strengthening ensures your clapping remains fanatically “Above-the-head” and your Nae Nae won’t look like a no no.
    • CALVES – Calf presses lift yourself above the screaming crowd to lock eyes with your favorite artist. No need to add more than your body weight – unless someone will be seated on your shoulders.

 

Advanced: Crowd Surfing – see Wikipedia how-to

Coming tomorrow in Part 2 of 3: Voice Conditioning, Avoiding Injuries, Know Before You Go

DAILY PROMPT: SENTIMENTAL – Ridiculous Redirection

 

Photo courtesy of Sprayedout.com

 
My divorce happened before the Conscious Uncoupling trend. While it didn’t fall under the category of most congenial divorces, it certainly didn’t qualify as one of the worst. Ridiculous Redirection better described my conscious dissolution – detailing my disdain for the situation, the people involved and my attempts to maintain a sense of humor and forge a fresh, clear perspective for making life-changing decisions. This, immediately after losing my mind and being steamrolled by emotions beyond the range of what I’d previously considered possible on the Richter scale. 

Initially, my tribe of devoted supporters rallied, listened, commiserated, reveled in the ridiculous along with me. Though they provided a much-needed crutch I leaned on often while learning to stand again, it suddenly dawned on me that I’d mounted the carousel horse to crazy town. So I leaped for the brass ring while the carousel groaned on.   I bruised my heart a bit more but felt immediately lighter with ridiculousness in pieces at my feet.  I ran to catch up to my kids’ and my new life, that already held a strong head-start.  

Photo courtesy of sprayedout.com

When I stopped to catch my breath I immediately felt that I needed to slow down and be present to properly navigate the future and remember the high-fives along the way. 

Does rehashing Sentimental steps of my ridiculous redirection mean I’m stuck in a bitter dead end without a clear path towards my future? I feel that I finally received the streetmap (OK, GPS) showing me I got through Despair, to the border of Desperation, constantly weaving in and out of Unsettled, and that confirms I am passing through Hope finally on the road towards Inner Peace which still just barely seems visible in a distant  horizon (Looks like Oz!)

To me, simmering in the sentiment is necessary on occasion to remind me of growth, evolution, resilience, adaptation, and invention. I now realize that my resentment came more from the unexpected, though maybe not completely unforeseen, changes to my 25-year plan than the things my wasband (was-my-husband) and I did before, during and after that point. 

Photo courtesy of Sprayedout.com

We three continue forward now watching Ridiculous transition into Reality – a reality that we are present for every day. 

COMMUNITY GATHERING: Going to Hell in a Handbasket

For some reason, a church group, who shall not be named, ruined their California vacation saving our high school from Hell. While claiming to be Christians, they are known for not living by the Golden Rule “Do unto others…” nor the Mommy Rule “If you can’t say anything nice…”

kind

I support Freedom of Speech but don’t agree with the church’s bully tactic spreading hurtful negativity to students still making up their minds about their place in this world. The community immediately rallied to support our students. I haven’t protested anything before, but felt strongly about protecting my town.

I’ve never really felt like I belonged to any community before – more like a long-term visitor. I moved around a lot throughout my life and had never lived anywhere longer than 5 years.  When I first moved here I felt like I was fleeing one life and throwing myself into another. Next thing you know, 10 years have passed and I’m settling in.

I shy away from confrontations, religion, and politics. I also didn’t want to greet the group with hate. My rational brain tried to follow and understand the church’s love logic though they’re pretty tight-lipped. They don’t talk as much as they hold signs. Nasty signs. I was nervous for my reaction.

Hundreds of school students and parents assembled with supporters from neighboring towns.  I was immediately swept up and woven into the colorful, compassionate community tapestry. Love tied us together.

easy

When the 5 or 6 members of the church group appeared, I was shocked to see how young two of the members were. These kids should’ve been in school, yet here they stood facing down hundreds of people.  I wondered if they were as nervous about us as I’d been about them.

Love drowned out hate. The church group’s chants were muted by our voices singing “Love Is Love!” Their disgusting signs covered by our messages of love. Within 30 min. they were gone. While their elders may have taken us in stride, I can’t help but wonder if the younger members recognized the difference between their community and its definition of love and true loving, supportive community!

Our students learned that love wins!

love

I purposefully left out the Church’s name and demonstration photos so they don’t get more publicity. The message was more powerful than their presence in this piece.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN’T WIN THE POWERBALL

tick

With last night’s record-breaking $1.6 billion dollar powerball, how many of us spent $2 adding wind to our sails, wishing for the windfall and the endless possibilities of an open horizon?  Experts came forth publishing pounds of advice for what to do if you win. What about those of us who now realize that the winds did change directions and now we must responsibly navigate this drastic return to reality.

  • Protect that ticket and take your time– Don’t shred that ticket yet. In California alone, over 3.5 million people won something in the drawing.  Don’t rush – the longer you take to check your numbers, the longer you can believe you won a big prize! But hey, if you spent $2 and win $4, you doubled your money. Call it gravy if it’s small, if it’s large then sock it away (see #3)!
win

There’s Hope! WTF: Wow, the FUNDS!

  • Don’t quit your job just yet – (Hopefully you didn’t already do it last night). Here’s where you count your blessings. You have a job, a steady income. You have co-workers to commiserate around the watercooler with about how you always visit THAT winning store except this time. Your career goals from before that Powerball dream rolled in are still intact, so find that magic – or dream better dreams!
  • Hire professionals – Most millionaires are such because they don’t spend like they are one.  In other words, consult professionals, bring your Powerball dreams of a new car, or Tahiti vacation to them and they’ll overhaul your income/expenses so to get you on a plane sooner than you ever thought.
  • Change your address and go unlisted – In order to reach those dreams, cut out distractions: Political mailers, advertisements and incentives to tempt you away from your financial goals.  Turn off the phone and check out regularly for a bit to center and be mindful of your surroundings and your path.  

So although the immediate results varied, the advice and end result could still be the same.  Plus, people always appreciate experiences more when they worked to finance them (parents take note) so you are probably better off in the end.  

That being said, I’m curious about where everyone wound up.  Share your stories!

SHIT HAPPENS FOR A REASON

SH1

My kids used to carpool with friends that greeted them, “Hey, how’s your poop?” This wasn’t slang for “What great shit’s going on?” – they wanted to know about their business.  Things that make us go …hmmm, not that we don’t have potty mouths sometimes ourselves, but the question crossed personal boundaries we hadn’t considered, much less with our closest friends. 

Last month, after catching up with said closest friends at various intimate events, we returned home to find out shit rolls downstairs.  Our personal boundaries had been flooded by the eau de toilette of our above neighbors the whole weekend we were gone.

Yah, we wiiged out!

WTF: Wiig the Frack out!

We left that night, returning only to complete our insurance agent’s daily to-do list preparing for extensive restoration.

Why do a job half-assed? 8 days later, after spending all weekend dragging books and other heavy mementos to my garage to help make the restoration crew’s shitty job a little better and to eliminate risk of loss or damage, the laundry room overflowed soaking everything in my garage. Bravo – job well done.

SH2

From the first whiff, I had to focus on Ps: I searched for the Positive and Purpose and stayed focused on the Present (or risk seriously losing my shit):  

  • We’d wanted to thin out the garage anyway
  • It happened when school was out
  • Now we have an extended vacation with an ocean view…


After the third flood – tears pouring from my eyes upon my late arrival to work – thanks to the 30 min. additional morning commute – I was forced to find my paddle and set a direct course up shit creek to get past this. This shit was out of hand, but I could still control certain aspects.

Finding the silver lining, the gold at the end of the rainbow...

Finding the gold at the end of the rainbow…

Ironically it took this pain in the ass, (and small threats to my kids “You don’t Mommy to cry again, do you?”), to reassess and test my realm of control.

  • I haven’t been late to work since, flushing a long record of pushing the boundaries with my arrival time.
  • We told the landlords we wanted to wash our hands of our lease (early) before having a permanent home to move to

Reward: Tonight we rented a new upstairs apartment.

SH3

So you got into the MCM program…now what?

It took me 4 years of college and another year into Grad School to figure out these tips for maximizing my mindful learning. While this was geared towards USC Annenberg’s MCM Program, these tips are easily applied to any schooling experience you’re going through in a formal program or even in a 1-day class.

So you got into the MCM program…now what?.

15. DRINK AS MUCH WATER AS COFFEE FOR A WEEK

8 glasses a day minimum

8 glasses a day minimum

Many victories in a little 30-day Healthy Eating challenge:

  • Finding new ways – hidden or not – to incorporate more fruits/veggies into my kids’ diet
  • I drank more water than coffee every day and didn’t scar anyone else psychologically
  • Our complexions cleared up Day 5 and remained more stable overall
  • 90% of fruits/veggies were fresh, not frozen (besides me freezing bananas for smoothies)
Only 1-2 cups a day now, no quad lattes

Only 1-2 cups a day now, no quad lattes

A little discomfort:

  • Shocking reality that fresh produce may be a luxury item – No wonder we battle schools for improved menus or health issues as a country. Adding good stuff in addition to filling stuff adds extra money to the bottom line. Grow your own or check out the 99c store – who knew?
  • It’s all in the presentation – After stuffing 6 cups of fruits/veggies into my son daily, he still won’t eat a chicken sandwich with 1 slice of lettuce and tomato on it
  • Hiring dishwasher/sous chef: I’ll wean my kids into it gradually, I didn’t want to incorporate the discomfort of cut fingers or broken glasses to the challenge.
6 cups of fruits and veggies

6 cups of fruits and veggies – WTF: Way too full!

The real success story was how easy it was to adopt this lifestyle (despite all the whiny debates from when I announced our challenge):

  • Early adopters – The first 3 days of diets usually suck until you embrace the idea and feel benefits to motivate you – Sept. 1, we started with a bang and never slowed down. I’m sure the $1 a day bribe I offered helped, but bottom line, $1 isn’t going to make kids eat anything they don’t want to.
  • Doing it together rocked – Mom’s kitchen is not a restaurant with multiple entrees per night.
  • Didn’t feel deprived – Nothing was off-limits, we ate all fruits/veggies before dessert.  If we had parties, we were aware and got in the daily allotment later. If anything, it was hard to get it all in. The only thing the kids vocalized was drinking less milk to get water in.
  • Super easy-to-visualize plan – “Deck of cards” or “Fist-sized” portions confuse me but eyeballing ½ your plate filled with fruits/veggies – no matter how much you eat –  is easy

The true success will be how long we keep going in October, but at this point, we’re really optimistic!

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