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HATER REHAB: My hour with Kim Kardashian

I recently gained a new perspective for Kim Kardashian, one of the Key Note Speakers at BlogHer16. Her two mantras were universal and useful.

“Be the best you – do what is within your comfort zone and what makes you feel confident!” 

“More Love, No Hate.” 

We all have a right to define our personal boundaries. We also have a right to our personal reaction when those boundaries are crossed. Sometimes these actions result in a traffic jam of haters.

I’m not just exposing internet trolls here. Everyone’s interacted with at least one other person resulting in our strong reaction to their action: “MFer cut me off!” …or inaction: “Why didn’t they thank me for the date?”

Here’s where it gets all Fox in Socks, while we discuss our actions following our reaction to the other person’s actions.

Reality Check

  • Mind Control – I can’t telekinetically take over their car forcing a safe lane change. Nor will a bird from you make them feel regret. Hateful comments won’t cause Kim to live your definition of life.
  • Assuming, it’s true – You know what they say when someone assumes. We truly have no idea what goes on in others’ lives. Be compassionate with friends, family and strangers – we all carry the burden of our own personal stress and goals. Kim challenges her haters to sit down and talk to her.
  • Don’t Should on Others – This tells more about us than them. Perhaps you’re not feeling like the most confident you, offloading on or trying to control others really won’t improve your mood.
  • What Is My Motivation – Actors question this a lot when considering how to deliver a believable role and speak authentically – as should you when considering your ACTion.
  • Spoon Full of Sugar is BS – Sorry my beloved Mary, P. but sugar coating only makes you feel like you’ve delivered a pretty gift when the recipient can still see the shit through the wrapping.
  • We Have a Right to our Opinion – True, just like we have a right to ignore it.
  • Just don’t Joust – Engaging in battle takes everyone farther from that day’s goals – everyone’s late, flustered, mad and hopefully nothing worse. Kim ignores haters so it’s not their voice she hears, but her own guiding her to be the best her.

 

Hater Rehab:

  • Was your intended response meant to get respect or get even?
  • To make people feel better or worse?
  • If the latter, for either, is respect deserved?

Unless someone is about to chase their Pokémon into a busy intersection, respect their path. It’s not our place to interject or attempt to convert their reaction to one we are satisfied with.

All together now… we all have a right to our opinions, our reactions to other people’s actions (which we can’t control). We only control and take responsibility for our actions. Nobody makes us feel anything we don’t want to.

That crazy driver didn’t make you mad. You chose to get mad in reaction to a near miss. Did you go on the date so you would get thanks and brownie points or did you go on a date to spend more time with someone you have feelings for? Seen too much of Kim lately? Lest you forgot, you’re in control of how much internet and social media enters your home or the teachable moments (as opposed to swift judgement) that can result.

Finally, she shared how she and her husband Kanye have helped bring out the best in each other – which is what loved ones do. As Kim will tell you, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself!

 

 

 

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WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN’T WIN THE POWERBALL

tick

With last night’s record-breaking $1.6 billion dollar powerball, how many of us spent $2 adding wind to our sails, wishing for the windfall and the endless possibilities of an open horizon?  Experts came forth publishing pounds of advice for what to do if you win. What about those of us who now realize that the winds did change directions and now we must responsibly navigate this drastic return to reality.

  • Protect that ticket and take your time– Don’t shred that ticket yet. In California alone, over 3.5 million people won something in the drawing.  Don’t rush – the longer you take to check your numbers, the longer you can believe you won a big prize! But hey, if you spent $2 and win $4, you doubled your money. Call it gravy if it’s small, if it’s large then sock it away (see #3)!
win

There’s Hope! WTF: Wow, the FUNDS!

  • Don’t quit your job just yet – (Hopefully you didn’t already do it last night). Here’s where you count your blessings. You have a job, a steady income. You have co-workers to commiserate around the watercooler with about how you always visit THAT winning store except this time. Your career goals from before that Powerball dream rolled in are still intact, so find that magic – or dream better dreams!
  • Hire professionals – Most millionaires are such because they don’t spend like they are one.  In other words, consult professionals, bring your Powerball dreams of a new car, or Tahiti vacation to them and they’ll overhaul your income/expenses so to get you on a plane sooner than you ever thought.
  • Change your address and go unlisted – In order to reach those dreams, cut out distractions: Political mailers, advertisements and incentives to tempt you away from your financial goals.  Turn off the phone and check out regularly for a bit to center and be mindful of your surroundings and your path.  

So although the immediate results varied, the advice and end result could still be the same.  Plus, people always appreciate experiences more when they worked to finance them (parents take note) so you are probably better off in the end.  

That being said, I’m curious about where everyone wound up.  Share your stories!

So you got into the MCM program…now what?

It took me 4 years of college and another year into Grad School to figure out these tips for maximizing my mindful learning. While this was geared towards USC Annenberg’s MCM Program, these tips are easily applied to any schooling experience you’re going through in a formal program or even in a 1-day class.

So you got into the MCM program…now what?.

PJ WILDERNESS: 1ST STEP – DESTINATION

The first step in our journey through the PJ Wilderness is to focus on Destination. Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed, and Bill Bryson had specific travel goals that involved stretching their boundaries and required them to remain present for the journey.

Getting back to nature helps us find a different perspective.

Find a few moments to yourself…

Commit yourself:
Take a few moments from your daily grind – go to a cafe, head outdoors or lock yourself in a bathroom – whatever it takes!  Close your eyes, three deep breaths and ask yourself “What would I do, and where, if I had 26 hours in the day?” “…if money was no object?” For deeper introspection, ask “What would I do if I was not afraid?”  Repeat this until you have a list of ideas to occupy your daydreams. Don’t know where to start? Start here!  Ideas still escaping you? Consider Michael Crichton’s method of planning any adventure and figuring out your reasons or lesson later.

Consider getting a team to help you Brainstorm! You may get new perspective! Ultimately you finalize the list!

DISTRACTION: Should you involve friends or family in your brainstorming?!

Talk to yourself:
Who: Who is in on this with you? (books read, joining writer’s groups or gyms, BFFs, babysitters, going it solo)
What: Your goals (in as general or specific terms as you’re comfortable with)
Example: Goal – Read 20 books/year; 1 book/month; 1 page/day. No matter how you define it, it’s all reading and you’re doing it!
When: A good friend called me out saying “If it’s important to you, you will find time for it!” So moving YOU higher on your list of priorities and obligations, where can you steal time? Hour a week; 10 min./day; Every other weekend? Each goal will vary.
Where: Do you need to go somewhere specific or can you do it at home, or by walking out the door? Sometimes setting up a boundary by popping headphones in creates the mental boundary you need (and that others see reminding them to wait to bug you… unless they’re bleeding).
Why: Get a good mindset for why this is a priority for you.  Think beyond the obvious answers!
Example: Goal – Get outdoors daily for 15 minutes minimum. Why? Get creative juices flowing; 1 mile/day keeps the doctor away; Unplugged fun time with kids; See neighbors or cute puppy with even cuter owner!

To help me focus, I’ll work through some ideas here on the blog.  If you are already coming up with your list consider sharing one here with your “Why?”

NEXT STEP:  Asking for time off

Here’s the link to my personal PJ Wilderness Step 1. Feel free to link to yours in the comments.

WANDERING THE PJ WILDERNESS

I, like many, worked to keep up with Cheryl Strayed on the Wild Pacific Crest Trail. I fell in love with three countries, traveling with Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love. I was exhilarated reading of Michael Crichton‘s distant Travels that forged his career change. I stumbled upon the Appalachian Trail following Bill Bryson on A Walk in the Woods. After hungrily devouring each book, I’d sit back, relax my eyes and simmer in the beauty of their journey. Feeling refreshed, I’d inhale deeply, stretch out my hands bemoaning “What do these people do for work that they can afford to take off and wander?!”

Most of us don’t have 100 vacation days or money banked to afford 100-day detours from our lives! Our days overflow with work, shuttling kids to activities or building iron-clad networks. We cram in exercise to improve our quality of life and if we don’t run ’til we drop, our downtime consists of a DVR’d bedtime story, getting a high score or cuddling our kindle.

I feel somewhat accomplished surviving such days, having eradicated a respectable chunk of my to-do list. Ultimately, the kids were loved, fed and progressed one more step towards their next grade. Still, this isn’t what I personally envisioned when planning to conquer or contribute to my world.

Once we’re out of school it’s hard to measure what, if any, progress we’re making! (I know this after 2 years of grad school to prove that I was still progressing towards something). Yeah, I am a tough sell (hard-headed according to my family). I don’t heed advice and carry on. I only value advice once it’s tried and true and I’ve experienced the miracle of its ways.

So with the books planting a yearning for an open horizon of possibilities, I’ve taken the first step into the PJ Wilderness. PJ stands for both the Personal Journey and for the chosen attire. If you tag along, we will traverse the rocky terrain of Personal Journeys using the tips from these books from the comfort of our own surroundings.

While our paths will be individual, It will be a shared adventure.

Ready?! Let’s head out!

NEXT STEP:
Choosing a destination

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DAILY PROMPT: PROCRASTINATION: If you give a girl some homework…

If you give a girl some homework,
She’ll want to brainstorm some suggestions to begin work on it.
You’ll text her some of your favorite ideas.
She’ll probably get all giddy and inspired,
So she’ll want to jump online to research.
She’ll ask you to do a Google Hangout to chat about it.
When you give her the go-ahead,
She’ll probably ask you to wear a virtual crown and accessories.

WTF: With technology facelift

WTF: With technology facelift

You’ll have to find the best on-screen shades.
The shades will remind her of the cute barista where she was studying yesterday.
She might feel distracted and want to visit her favorite coffee shop again.
She’ll want you to come too.
She’ll look through her closet for a cute book bag,
Then she’ll look under her bed for her car phone charger.
When she’s under her bed,
She’ll find her old F*ck me strappy sandals.
She’ll try them on with the barista in mind.
She’ll probably need something special to wear with them.
When she’s all dressed she’ll hunt for her headphones.
She’ll play her very best divalicious playlist.
And she’ll start dancing.
Then she’ll want to, and want you to, take some selfies.
So you’ll both have to post them on Instagram #Procrastination.

Prime Procrastination

Prime Procrastination

When she sees and likes the pictures online,
She’ll ask you to take more.
Then she’ll want to send out copies by emailing each of her friends.
You’ll have to get her to close some windows and pop-ups to free up memory,
And get her to empty her spam folder.
On the way, she’ll see her blog stats in her back row.
She’ll want to build a blog post about barista boy.
She’ll want to add pictures to it.
She’ll look for new wall paper and google his pictures.
When she is on google.com,
She’ll see the online history.
Seeing the history will remind her
Of your favorite brainstormed ideas.
She’ll probably ask you to narrow them down.
And chances are, if she asks you for some ideas,
She’ll want to finally finish her homework in time.

Adapted from “If You Give a Pig a Pancake” by Laura Numeroff.
Laura is the author of one of our favorite series of books!

Love the rhythm of her books!

Love the rhythm!

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU NOTICED THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN BREATHING?

From the second I opened the office door late last week, the din of heavy traffic welcomed me as my boss headed directly towards me with a smile. I ducked out of his way waving pleasantries as he passed through. I’d deposited my purse in the drawer, unlocked the computer, when suddenly he reappeared.  Quickly, I jumped into the traffic flow to get some answers. Finally, upon returning to my desk, parking myself in the seat, a large cleansing breath escaped my lips startling me! I joked to my co-pilot, that it was far too early for that.

...and repeat.

…and repeat.

Apparently the distress and detox yoga dvd that my daughter and I did the night before couldn’t hold back the combination of work, life and finals. During the video, careful care was taken to feature the gal’s diaphragm demonstrating correct inhaling and exhaling form.  Apparently we weren’t focused enough on breathing because my daughter noticed, before I commented, that the video focused a majority of the time on the girl’s boobies – from every angle.

Finally, for my make-believe half-marathon training – which will come to life when my class work ends next Tuesday – I’ve started climbing the stairs at work when possible.  Even when I trained 6 days a week for a ½ ironman, stairs still always winded me.  So to counter this, I started my marathon breathing to climb the stairs.  Two quick breaths in, two quick breaths out and this results in me restoring the ability to speak faster than usual.

No, I get it, the point is, when did I just sit alone with myself and focus on my breathing? I also am aware that things will leap off the page to you when you need them the most. The tricky part is that one receives and applies the advice in a timely manner.  So today, you have my word, after finishing voiceover for one finals project and before diving into my draft of my finals paper for my other class, I will drop off my kids, retreat to my favorite corner of the world, let the sunshine hit my face, the caffeine course through my veins, and let the breaths come slow and steady.

Unlimited fresh air and perspective to inhale!

Unlimited fresh air and perspective to inhale!

Check out the other 50 Questions

Welcome to CA – What’s your Powerball Dream? Everybody’s Got One!

The Powerball has landed in California bringing along with it an inspirationally aggressive marketing campaign. They boast larger jackpots, yet, recognizing people aren’t as materialistic anymore, are marketing to more humanistic players eager to be a positive change in this world.

ooh-believe

Powerball targets 38 million Californians with one powerful emotion – Hope.  The campaign communicates how Hope implements change by pointing out historic events like Armstrong’s Moon landing reminding us memorable moments started with single sparks of hope.  Their campaign reinforces the power of dreamers, those willing to take a chance.

Powerball gives daydreamers the model to believe in something bigger, a cause, miracles, a long shot. But, start small – even one ticket! They have to overcome those who resist saying “Powerball is a money pit,” “the odds stink,” or “don’t gamble” by, instead, getting people to buy into hope – anything is possible but you can’t win if you don’t play.

pballdream

Now, I mentioned Powerball targets every Californian – every one.  When my family first heard the haunting rendition of children singing “California Dreamin’,” it immediately hooked us. My kids (8 and 12 years) downloaded the real song, discussed the lyrics and sparked inspirational conversations “If you win – how would you positively impact the world?” (Answers: “Cure AIDS” and “Open a candy store where everything is free.”).

I don’t play regularly, I only buy tickets for big jackpots (I know, my odds are worse) but what made us purchase our first ticket was when radio campaigns became personal. On my daily commute, I was regularly teased by a guy saying “It was like any other day, driving in your car, fighting traffic. It was like any other day… until it wasn’t [cue music].”  It wraps its arm around you and points you towards your destiny. It’s that simple to dream, believe – and buy a ticket.

pballtix

Some people feel the ads resemble religion putting too much faith in something intangible. They feel those who would use money wisely for good would not usually be the same crowd playing the Powerball.

I say, try me. I dream about buying reasonable homes, providing college educations and providing sports scholarships for AYSO and Little Leagues so no child “can’t” play.“

believe

6/9/13 UPDATE:

I didn’t win, she did!

The Powerball launch was a winning success!

Dan from the creative agency David&Goliath wrote to let me know that it was THE most successful lottery launch in U.S. history (kudos!!)!

For you folks who want proof (remember Powerball tix are $2/ea):

  • $3.1 million in first day sales 
  • $8.5 million in sales in the first 4 days
  • $25 million in two weeks 
And by the 6th week…
  • $83 million worth of tickets sold, accounting for 11% of Powerball sales in the entire country!

You know what I said about only playing the big draws?  I lied… I have a ticket in my wallet right now from this past weekend’s draw and until I actually check the winning numbers, I can hold onto the hope that I may have been the winner this time!

WHO MOVED MY HOVERCHEESE?

Challenges, any changes, energize me.  Call me Grace (under fire), I’m a sucker for deadlines – they’re part of my creative process. When sudden reorgs at work occur, I hunker down and work through tumultuous times. When baseball adds another 2 teams’ practices in one week, I rolled with it. Strengthsfinder 2.0 says I’m a problem solver – I live for solving the family’s carpool problems.  Nothing throws me, until I’m faced with myself.

When first semester of grad school started I spent my first 48 hours fighting non-stop with technology but triumphantly gained a working knowledge for my class.  I beat technology. When first semester ended, I spent my first 48 hours reading books to escape the textbooks. I beat the class!

But then nothing…  Don’t get me wrong, my break rocked! We enjoyed the first holiday with 3 excited cousins (last year only 2 were old enough to anticipate traditions), cruised the Caribbean, caught some movies… But when given the chance, I didn’t do that “thing I would do even if I didn’t get paid”… I didn’t write. (Thank you if you noticed, I appreciate your support)!

I planned to blog, write a book, poetry – even haiku.

IOHaikU: Here, I brought you a gift!

IOHaikU: Here, I brought you a gift!

When I stepped away from my laptop on the last day of class, I turned my back on it.  I didn’t want to touch it, look at it, nothing!  Knowing this, I bought myself a composition book for writing, but, did nothing. I lost the opportunity.

Believe it or not, 6-7 weeks into the break, I craved returning to the rhythm of the master’s program.  I missed my classmates, the weekly feeling of achievement; I anticipated an easier first 48 hours this time, and relished in the slight confidence of being a return Grad Student! The topics this semester thrilled me as I love the problem solving, creative work, and had some experience with strategic corporate and marketing communications. I looked forward to drawing on personal experience.

But, things changed. The blend of students was new, the rhythm of the class feels like a remix, and even the material seems opposite from my true-life experiences.  This time, I recognize the fight-or-flight reaction and am rolling with it. I’m acclimating to the new semester with excessive amount of calendaring, spreadsheets and post-it notes, as well as commiserating with other students.  It’s a change in perspective to see that change doesn’t thrill me, but it will only bring about positive changes in me.

2-10 change

And now, for today’s show-n-tell, I brought Hovercheese!! Can you please check my homework?!

SICK HAIKU

I don’t mean sick as in sick jams, or a sick trick on a skateboard, I mean sick as in sniffly, whiney, coughing haiku…

1/8/13

Creativity
It does not come easily
When I’m a sicky

1/9/13
I drank three coffees
To keep my butt awake for
Piles of cruise laundry

Image

WTF: White toed foot?!
Thanks for the use of the shot, Doviende!

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