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SON KEPT LOSING THINGS SO MOMMY LOST IT

My son lost or forgot things 5 out of 7 days in the past weeks. My son is smart, too! I forgave him at first diagnosing him with “absent-minded professor” syndrome that can’t fit mundane tasks in the idea-filled brain.  I instilled mindless habits like a “Boy Scout drawer” or “Putting cleats in your bag first thing.” My reminders fall on deaf ears. I must speak an undecipherable English dialect: Momglish.

My daughter – whose hazardly messy room frightens me – meticulously makes a “flat person” accounting for all uniform components.  My son – a neat freak – tosses stuff in his bag haphazardly.  I open my mouth but my Dad’s voice asks, “What are you forgetting?”

I know it’s dark, keep looking!

My son and I aren’t compatible searchers.  He doesn’t find things even after I suggest places. He debates he’s looked and keeps roaming, or hides in the Panic Room. Then, I go directly to where I suggested and find the item within 5 seconds.

This week we’ve been on a tight schedule with school testing. Today he wasted 20 minutes searching for one cleat when he should’ve been fueling his brain. I suggested twice that he return to where he found the first cleat. So when I got there, moved one pillow and found it, I lost it.

LOST IT!

I’m sure my neighbors heard the booming announcement when I found it.  My son advanced in disbelief and I hurled it. I have great aim and could hit him if I wanted to. I just wanted to snap sense into him. I hoped the sound of a shoe whizzing by his knees then hitting the wall might  make them quiver some.

Ironically, a friend’s stressed out Facebok status got me breathing again.  Newly relaxed, I announced we would learn and change. We all did 2 deep cleansing breaths and shook the morning off. We departed feeling happy for humpday.

Driving home this afternoon with renewed optimism, my son calls, “Mom, something horrible happened.”  Knowing he carpooled to baseball I immediately rearranged the evening to visit the ER. “While I looked for my cleats today, my pants fell out of my bag.”  No, I knew within 5 seconds exactly where they were on the couch.

Shoot, they were there the whole time?!

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