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HATER REHAB: My hour with Kim Kardashian

I recently gained a new perspective for Kim Kardashian, one of the Key Note Speakers at BlogHer16. Her two mantras were universal and useful.

“Be the best you – do what is within your comfort zone and what makes you feel confident!” 

“More Love, No Hate.” 

We all have a right to define our personal boundaries. We also have a right to our personal reaction when those boundaries are crossed. Sometimes these actions result in a traffic jam of haters.

I’m not just exposing internet trolls here. Everyone’s interacted with at least one other person resulting in our strong reaction to their action: “MFer cut me off!” …or inaction: “Why didn’t they thank me for the date?”

Here’s where it gets all Fox in Socks, while we discuss our actions following our reaction to the other person’s actions.

Reality Check

  • Mind Control – I can’t telekinetically take over their car forcing a safe lane change. Nor will a bird from you make them feel regret. Hateful comments won’t cause Kim to live your definition of life.
  • Assuming, it’s true – You know what they say when someone assumes. We truly have no idea what goes on in others’ lives. Be compassionate with friends, family and strangers – we all carry the burden of our own personal stress and goals. Kim challenges her haters to sit down and talk to her.
  • Don’t Should on Others – This tells more about us than them. Perhaps you’re not feeling like the most confident you, offloading on or trying to control others really won’t improve your mood.
  • What Is My Motivation – Actors question this a lot when considering how to deliver a believable role and speak authentically – as should you when considering your ACTion.
  • Spoon Full of Sugar is BS – Sorry my beloved Mary, P. but sugar coating only makes you feel like you’ve delivered a pretty gift when the recipient can still see the shit through the wrapping.
  • We Have a Right to our Opinion – True, just like we have a right to ignore it.
  • Just don’t Joust – Engaging in battle takes everyone farther from that day’s goals – everyone’s late, flustered, mad and hopefully nothing worse. Kim ignores haters so it’s not their voice she hears, but her own guiding her to be the best her.

 

Hater Rehab:

  • Was your intended response meant to get respect or get even?
  • To make people feel better or worse?
  • If the latter, for either, is respect deserved?

Unless someone is about to chase their Pokémon into a busy intersection, respect their path. It’s not our place to interject or attempt to convert their reaction to one we are satisfied with.

All together now… we all have a right to our opinions, our reactions to other people’s actions (which we can’t control). We only control and take responsibility for our actions. Nobody makes us feel anything we don’t want to.

That crazy driver didn’t make you mad. You chose to get mad in reaction to a near miss. Did you go on the date so you would get thanks and brownie points or did you go on a date to spend more time with someone you have feelings for? Seen too much of Kim lately? Lest you forgot, you’re in control of how much internet and social media enters your home or the teachable moments (as opposed to swift judgement) that can result.

Finally, she shared how she and her husband Kanye have helped bring out the best in each other – which is what loved ones do. As Kim will tell you, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself!

 

 

 

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MIDLIFE MOTHER’S DAY REMIX

Am I the only one who was glad to not be harshly yanked from my dream of driving down a scenic cliff side road in a vintage convertible with sun on my face, breeze in my hair only to find cinnamon toast showering her sheets as the kids get ready to rumble?

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Even as  youngsters, holidays never started at the crack of dawn. For my now tween and teen – Rewritten Mother’s Day rituals (as they dawned on me today):

Sleep in or entertain yourselves until the clock passes 10am – This morning I am loving watching them sleep, listening to their snoring like I used to when they were babies in their cribs. Advanced kid move: If you wake up early, silently read in bed or make a list of 10 things you love to do with Mom.

The little (free) things matter most – While I love any great adventure that the kids dream up, please know that one sibling-bicker-free day, not having to repeat myself/find it for you or the gift of a longer-than-fleeting smile while your games reload makes me feel rich! Advanced kid move: Good long hugs earn you almost anything.

Leave no trace – As the amazing day you planned draws to an end, put the house back into better shape than when you found it without Mom lifting a finger. Cinnamon toast in bed – you strip the sheets and wash them. After the celebrations make time pass too quickly – go work on your homework without being told so her glow doesn’t turn to glowering. Advanced kid move: Set up the next day in advance so Mom eases her way into Monday, too – backpacks and sports gear packed, clothes out, lunches made (bonus points if you make Mom’s lunch), coffee machine locked and loaded.

cleanAll Mom’s deserve days of appreciation for their relentless dedication! For me, laying in bed since I woke up 3 hours ago, blogging from bed, looking forward to watching a mom rom com and take a walk together will be the best Mom’s Day yet.

Photo by SprayedOut.com

Here’s to you (& single Dads who mother too) and those many who support you all in being the best mom’s ever! Thanks to my kids whom I love more than words and who truly amaze me every day!

WORK FIELD TRIP: Ran off to the circus!

Julia Cameron calls this an Artist Date, I prefer Work Field Trip.  

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I’ve already mentioned how the invitation to attend the Premiere Event for Cavalia’s Odysseo in Irvine this weekend already fulfilled my dreams!  This show, and this assignment, took me on a creative journey magically stirring something awake in my soul. When I received another invitation to attend press preview day, I immediately accepted this gift.

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As with many favorite childhood trips, my experience started from the freeway once I spotted the flags atop the tent.  The idea that the largest touring show in the world sat on land where nothing existed a week before astounded me.

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I mingled with other bloggers, press, and VIP guests. Though many were there for an assignment, most bubbled over with passion for horses, music or art.  

2-5-16 blog gear

Hah! My gear vs. their gear – I need an upgrade!

The show itself was more spectacular and high-energy than expected. The beauty of the show overwhelmed me and invigorated all of my senses.  Each act flowed into the next gracefully – even the 18-ton merry-go-round!.

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Even more amazing, we received behind-the-scenes access from Odysseo’s Founder, Normand Latourelle.

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Odysseo’s Creator: Odyssey = Journey with O = “eau” (water) at the end of the journey

He explained that computers traditionally direct musical cues for a show of this caliber. Because this show features live animals with individual temperaments, this show’s cues come from a live director. With the timing of so many seemingly death-defying acts, timing was crucial.

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The live music added a delicate veil of beauty to our experience.

1-25-16 Odysseo stand up excited 1 wk left

Conversations with performers brave enough to leap from their career paths to follow their passion truly inspired me.  One performer studied marine biology before attending circus school, another hoped to earn money while studying for the Bar exam. Some turned their professional riding into performance careers.

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Most people I know dreamed of joining the circus at least once in their lives. The nomadic family lifestyle mixed with the artistic beauty and danger of a circus mystify and entrance us.  

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WTF: Way too fast – can’t wait to see the full-length show!

Normand pointed out what I feel represents the true beauty of the show:  With the many different breeds and cultures represented here, everyone gets along. They believe that peace is best for a beautiful show. It’s been thrilling spending my hours on a “job” submersed in such creativity and such beauty.

 

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Lea Riviere Mixed Media on Canvas

 #OdysseoOC

10,000 QUESTIONS ABOUT 10,000 STEPS

10,000 ways to leave your lovin’ lard ass – or something like that.  At work, we’re doing a 10,000 steps per day challenge. While losing weight could be a side-effect, the goal is simply to get our bums up out of chairs, take some time to quiet our minds and get those creative juices flowing!

My OCD tendencies' best friend!

My OCD tendencies’ best friend!
WTF – Walk to Fitness!

The weekend before the challenge started, I practiced for perspective of just how many steps 10,000 is.  We were walking (2,500 steps) through downtown to pick up my race packet for the 3.5 mile mini marathon (approximately 4,600 steps) and found ourselves sitting down for lunch at the Original Pantry Restaurant.  When my pedometer leaped off of my purse in protest I saw it as a warning that clearly there is no way 10K steps would walk off what we ate there.

Thanks for the photo AlbanyKid, we should meet for breakfast! Mine were too blurry as I ate too fast.

Thanks for the photo AlbanyKid, we should meet for breakfast! Mine were too blurry as I ate too fast.

My patron saint of wellness sent me 2 more pedometers on Monday and I was back on track without a-breakin’ my stride.  It’s 550 steps from my car to my office; 160 steps to the coffee shop; 60 steps across the middle of our floor end to end.

Well guess what, they’re right! The creative barriers become much looser and I have questions flooding my head like an inquisitive 3-year old.

Because I said so...

Because I said so…

Now there are some things that are troubling my one track, 10,000 step mind:

1) In the order of the universe, is it better to walk farther (more steps) to ride the elevator up or is it better to walk a
shorter distance to walk up the stairs (but less steps overall)? See my conundrum?!

2) Isn’t choosing salad over paninis worth an instant 1000 steps?

3) Why aren’t stairs worth 2 steps each automatically?

Check it out, we have a name! Workshifters!

Check it out, we have a name! Workshifters!

Here are some additional steps that I am having trouble reconciling:

Steps racked up during a cake-walk

Back and forth to the all-you-can-eat buffet in Vegas

Chasing down the ice cream man

OK, this kid is helping me reconsider

OK, this kid is helping me reconsider

Scurrying down the hall to the free leftover lunch at work

Steps getting up and going to the loo – we’re going to do that anyway, no extra walk effort

Racing after people to kiss their ass – have some dignity!

Who you callin' an...

Who you callin’ an…

Now that I managed to make it more complicated, please join/help me?

 

GEMS I STUMBLED UPON – O YOU!

Since none of my high school girlfriends, nor I, had the opportunity to fly to Chicago to see Oprah’s show before it ended, today my friends (that I’ve known for almost 25 years!) and I attended the next best thing!  Oprah’s O You 2012 in Los Angeles!  I learned many gems and will share them in weeks to come!

O what a great group of women!

There were so many activities throughout the day, but our largest challenge was “You … in six words”
Mine life story in 6 words is: Make lasting impression, love all equally!

What’s yours?

Can you write your history in 6 words or less?
Click on photo for some great ones – Including Oprah’s!
Artwork (C) Harpo

All the experts (including Oprah) got on stage:  Her best friend, Gail, Suze, Dr. Phil, Peter, Dr. Laura B., Martha, Adam, Iyanla!  You too can win a set of Oprah’s amazing Swag Bag (Click on this link!).

I know they’re tiny, but they’re all there!
Lingering idea: It’s ok for women to put themselves 1st!

What a great way to celebrate women!   What a great way to celebrate my 1/2 way point with my first grad school class!

Where the magic happened! WTF: We’re thrilled, fantastic!

#OYou2012

GEMS I STUMBLED UPON TODAY

“A river cuts through rock not because of its strength but because of its persistence!” –Jim Watkins

“Obstacles are those frightening things that become visible when we take our eyes off our goals.” –Henry Ford

Grand Canyon: Obstacles, what obstacles?
Think of the possibilities!
Photo by YoTuT

(thanks Karina Saenz-Gutierrez for dropping these two gems in my pathway today!)

WALK A MILE IN HIS SHOES

Whenever I walk through my front door, the first thing I do is kick off my shoes.  How many of us can’t wait to get our shoes off because they feel constricting or uncomfortable? What if the next time you left your front door you had no shoes on?  What if not having shoes restricted your ability to attend school or exposed you to uncomfortable, unhygienic conditions? 

“No matter how convenient it is for us to reach out to people remotely, sometimes the most important task is to show up in person.”  –Blake Mycoskie

Have I ever told you how much of a huge fan I am of this guy?  Do you know who he is? Recognize his name? Maybe you know him if I say the name TOMS – as in shoes.

Comfy and cute with a huge heart! What are you waiting for? Perfect summer shoes! Pix from online shop!

You may have seen many people wearing these comfortable, colorful – even strappy – shoes.  I, myself, am not one of those people who owns hundreds of pairs of shoes, but if I could afford to, I would purchase one pair of shoes TOMS shoes in every shape and color.  Not because I would ever have enough occasions to wear them all, but because TOMS shoes operates with a One for OneTM operating system.  To quote TOMS, “With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need.”

Even his book is One for OneTM – buy the book, he’ll donate books to local underserved neighborhoods!
Pix from his book website. Click here for info…

This is where my entrepreneurial crush flourishes because:
a) Blake witnessed a problem and founded a company to change the world for the better
b) His generous business model shows that it’s not necessarily the company who makes the most money that wins
c) People are paying attention and companies are revamping their philanthropic sides or even blatantly ripping him off. (Seriously Skechers, if you were sincerely concerned, you could have done a TOMS distribution deal or special edition rather than mimic the shoes, the name and logo and trying to pull it off as your unique discovery! Boo Bobs, I really don’t like copycats!)

They don’t just do shoes either!  If you buy their shades this summer, you’ll help underserved communities get the prescription glasses or eye surgeries they need.

Guess what? You can WIN A TRIP to give with TOMS! They hold a weekly drawing to pick people to feel the heart behind the company. Details at check out! Pix from TOMS website.

Oh, NOW he looks familiar, wasn’t he on Amazing Race?!

Season 2 contenders siblings
Blake and Paige!
Pix from CBS website.

BLOGGING PROFESSIONALS: START LOCAL, THINK GLOBAL!

My name is Sarah and I am a blogger! I no longer have to hide my dirty habit!

I couldn't have said it better myself!

After celebrating my 100th day blogging by attending a blogging seminar I am validated and energized that one can follow many realistic paths to various careers that didn’t exist 5 years ago or even 5 days ago!

One encouraging gem shared was to know your skill set, know what you can do for a company, then convince them you are the person to do it! A whole generation of hiring managers exist that get the willies from the words “online presence.” They pray that you will come along to direct the effort. As Oprah says, Preparation + Opportunity = Success! Once inside, keep telling people what you love to do and customize your job into something that tickles your fancy.

This theme kept coming up. The seminar’s stellar cross-section of blog founders, web content managers and editors agreed that their start came from researching then sharing information in areas they were passionate about. The ultimate expression of their affection was to write about them.

Even if creating your own money-earning blog, they had realistic advice that the job can be flexible, yet under grueling deadlines. Instant feedback becomes a blessing and a curse, but it adds to the view bottom line! Keep chipping away towards your goal. I love their mantra: Start local, Think global! Rather than share specific lessons, look for networking groups or seminars in your area, it’s worth it! Don’t have any? Build a support group and bloggers will come!

I’ve saved the best for last… 

I have been humbled by my blogging journey thus far. The support from my 82 and growing friends joining me as I wander motivates me. Your comments inspire and help me improve – so keep them coming!! I love checking as many of your blogs as possible, and vow to do more as my learning curve flattens out. I’ve passed 4,800 views and even received a few much-appreciated nominations for awards – I vow to catch up on the quizzes this month. I hope to keep improving and expanding the site so we never run out of shared adventures!

THANKS!

27. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME 5 YEARS AGO WHEN YOU WERE EXTREMELY UPSET? DOES IT REALLY MATTER NOW?

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Back then, I prepared to downsize homes for the 2nd time in 2 years. I LOVED moving a lot when younger – exploring new neighborhoods and setting up a new home.  While married, I accumulated a household and dragged around our baggage. Feeling the divorce “forced” the downsize, I stubbornly held onto stuff thinking when I’d proved that I survived, I’d have a full house to show it.  Hindsight reminds me that sending volumes of negativity into the universe, attracts negativity.

I’d hired movers that I used before (different franchise), scheduled for an afternoon start.  The hours-late movers were not starving, nor students, and debated putting it off until morning. I had to be out that day and I’d made it clear how much stuff on how many floors when I called. They asked if I’d be paying cash or credit card (shady) then conferred and began.  I calculated a few hours to load, drive 2 miles and a few more to unload.

7 hours later at 11pm – 2 hours after my ex calmed me down due to damage they caused to the place and my furniture – they finished loading.  They offered to store my furniture in their “warehouse” overnight to start fresh.  “Hell no, Continue!”

Flash-forward to 1am, I was in my new yard talking the police out of ticketing me because the truck parked on the wrong side of the road. Recognizing my un-neighborly first impression, I pleaded, “Single lady…don’t feel comfortable…” They relented, “Ma’am. Please put on the flashing blinkers.”

Looking back, the movers took the insult I felt from moving and added injury to everything I owned, even my independence prize – the first non-hand-me-down NEW couch I bought.  It sucked the wind from my sails.  Fortunately healing began with saint of an old landlord. Since he planned large fix-ups to prep for sale, the mover’s butt busted through his drywall became a minor patch job.  Starbucks cards to my neighbors allowed us to earn a new first impression.

Looking back, things don’t matter.  Sometimes it bothers me that the couch isn’t perfect on one arm.  It pleases me more how many “Big bed nights” the kids enjoyed with friends.  Those are invaluable!

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GRATITUDE SUNDAYS: DO OVERS

Everyone’s said “If I knew then what I know now…” While one can’t “refresh” life’s events, life often presents second chances! So, again, I seized the silent moment – between the finish line of the weekend, and the starting line for the next one – to reflect on the gifts thrown in my path.

TOP OF MY HEAD GRATITUDE LIST:

1) High School – Facebook reconnected me with many early friends that I’d lost touch with. It also put me in touch with others that I wish I’d known better, even a high school crush – we now tease each other with it. Social media provides the opportunity to set up mini reunions and return to High School with new appreciation for what we all experienced and stronger interest in who we became!

2) Family Dinners – I suspect I’m not the only one whose kids’ come home from their other parent’s or grandparents’ homes and need time to transition. My kids don’t get blatantly disrespectful; they’re just grouchy and tired, which leads to weepy. After too much whining over games, I sent one to shower, one to clean up, and I immediately cleared our dinner table. We’d eaten in front of the TV the last 2 busy weeks because I spread our taxes across the table. By the end of the meal we were laughing over Lauren’s faces, or Carson’s Chewbacca’s sounds or jokes at my expense.

3) Memories – When I first got divorced, filing away the past 16 years of memories challenged me. I was determined to get to a place where I could own the path I traveled and not feel like I must steer around certain neighborhoods. Obviously time and distance helped, but working at a university helps too – being able to share my experiences from that dividing point in my life and career helps me remember my path.

4) Perspective. Don’t beat yourself up if you think of the perfect line after you leave the conversation. There’s a good chance your paths will cross again.

Again, this merely scratched the surface and I’m grateful for many more Sundays to continue to call out those moments that I’m most grateful for. What are you grateful for?

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