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Fifty Shades of __________!

When I heard Fifty Shades of Grey was Twilight-based fan fiction, I was determined to dislike the series. No millions raving about Christian Grey could lead me to betray Edward Cullen. When film trailers featured shockingly familiar dialogue, I felt it proved that Christian and Anastasia were faking it!

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Then, on opening weekend, I found myself out-of-town with hours to kill. With no additional Oscar-nom film haikus to watch, I said “WTF! (Watch The Film!)” Since I was the last person on Earth to get into the series, my spoilers won’t spoil it for you. This is my voyeuristic view.

To Get You Off the Couch
Stars: I had no preconceived view of who Christian (or Ana) should be so they were entirely appetizing.
Ladies Scored First: Both Ana and her valedictorian roomie were graduating from college. Ana had put literature before pillow talk and was a virgin at this point.
Throwing Her a Bone: I liked that, despite introvert tendencies, Ana held her own when drawn into conversations, even negotiations, with Christian.
Points for Grey: A good PSA when Hot Guy initiates condom use.

To Make You Come Again – multiple screenings
Fantasy-asstic: Christian’s experienced, diverse skill set. He knows when and how to play different hands …and stuff.
Billionaire Dream, Sex Machine: You, too, could be seduced by a hot billionaire! (That’s not what BDSM stands for?!)
Setting the Mood: Sultry soundtrack!

Left Me Unsatisfied
Eye-rolling, Lip Biting and Boobs: Less is more.
Open Your Mouth and What Pops Out?: When Christian said “I’m 50 Shades of messed up” I was sucked from the theatre into an MTV reality show.
Push Harder: This isn’t about Christian’s playroom toys. Granted, I don’t know much about his preferences, but if both people want to dabble – so be it. But Grey was always black and white. If Ana thought he won’t always use her in the end as another prop, she’s poorly mistaken – or just poor. While Anastasia pulled out, a sequel bets she’ll be back.

Overall, while the film was anti-climactic, I’ll admit, it was entertaining watching this Twilight/Pretty Woman mashup in-theatre, surrounded by gal pals squealing with every anticipated and unexpected moment in living color.

#MrGrey #ChristianGrey #Anastasia #FiftyShades #FiftyShadesDarker #FiftyShadesFreed #JamieDornan #DakotaJohnson

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: 2015 Academy Awards Movie Haiku + Grey Bonus! | Makes Me Wander
  2. Dan O.
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 14:06:36

    This movie didn’t do much for me, either. It worked for a little short while, but then soon fell apart when it lost sight of anything at all interesting to say. Good review.

    Reply

    • Sarah Harris
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 14:14:29

      First of all Dan O, let me commend you for being one of the brave men who showed up at a theatre this past weekend. The few I saw looked a bit overwhelmed. You’re so right, that once the conversation died, I wanted to roll over and go to sleep. Thanks for wandering by!

      Reply

  3. Trackback: TOP 10 VIDEOS TO GET YOU IN THE MOOD (for the next Star Wars film!) | Makes Me Wander

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